Being Begged To Contest: An Abysmal Trend In Nigeria's Democracy

We beg them to run, contest, and re-contest, to continue ruling us forever. Some have been ruling us even before the days of Methuselah, some since 1985, some since 1999. Being a very religious people, we constantly fast and pray that they go on providing us with the constant light, security, free and quality education, good roads, housing, healthcare, and all the dividends of democracy they spoil us with. And, they have always supplied us with these amenities from the deepness of their kind, benevolent pockets, to the detriment of their persons, families and numerous business interests and associates. Yes, they have made their wealth before they ventured into politics,  and they have always dug deep into their coffers to provide all our needs. So, we are right to beg them to continue ruling us forever.

They have being unable to send their own children to school as they cannot afford the fees. This is because they have spent all their resources on sending our children to choice schools abroad – to Harvard, to Oxford, to SOAS. So, their children sit down at home, or some only manage to attend rodents-infested community schools where they struggle with snakes, lizards and scorpions for spaces on the dusty classroom floors, receive their lessons from unmotivated teachers, who just returned from a nine-month strike, and are rather concentrating on peeling egusi seeds in class, which they hope to sell after school to fend for their families - they have not being paid their salaries for donkey months.

We beg them to contest because our rulers use their personal fortunes, which they had inherited from their pre-colonial ancestors to supply us the constant water and electricity we enjoy today. (please, I didn't say they were bequeathed with bans of yams and cocoa yams. I meant pounds, dollars, euros. Mba nu, they didn't inherit naira o; the exchange value was worthless then just as it is now). Now, they have no resources left to light their own houses. So, they live in perpetual darkness, sweat all night, and open their creaking windows to let air into their rooms. And instead of the foul-smelling air, it is mosquitoes that sing for them, eerily reminding them of Michael Learns to Rock’s Sleeping Child. They suffer these because they have learnt to rock their comfort because of you, because of me, because their undying love for Nigerians.

We beg them to contest because without them we would be homeless: We live in and enjoy the warmth and comfort of the cosy houses, mansions and state of the art duplexes they have built and graciously donated to us. (I mean cosy houses and mansions, not Cosy Orjiakor. I am not thinking of vain boobs here). The palatable mansions at Igbere, Bourdillon Road, Minna Hiltop, etc. are a few example of the houses they built for us. Then, they live in thatched houses, like the ulo-aja-agadi-nwayi in my village. They pack themselves, wives and countless children in one-room apartments at Amukoko. Some of them sleep under the bridges. After all, housing has always been a key component of their 7-point, 14-point and 21-point Agenda. They sacrifice their comfort and die that we may live (no pun intended). We live in Maitama, Asokoro, Victoria Island, Lekki, Ikoyi, whereas they live at Amukoko, Maraba, Okpoko and Ajegunle.

We beg them to contest, because we owe our sustenance to them. They feed us, clothe us, open their Swiss bank accounts in our names, and transfer ownership of their oil blocks to us. They provide us with imported marinated and pre-cooked pork ribs, oxtails, lamb chops, beef fillet steak and chicken breakfast sausages, while they eat dry-sun-scorched ponmo. In fact, they have even banned the consumption of ponmo, so that they won’t have to eat at all. They want to start fasting for our salvation. They're also going to hide under 'the hides and skins' of the ponmo whenever hunger beckons, and dares to interrupt their fast. Then, they would use the hides and skins they're hiding under to produce leather belts and bulala, to whip hunger off our bellies forever. Oh, how they love us!

Unfortunately, while we were still pleading with them to contest and re-contest, real sad news filtered in that President Jonathan refuses to re-contest as he prefers to spend more time with Aunty Peace who had just employed an English professor from Cambridge as one of  her PAs. David Mark refuses to re-contest as he prefers to retire back to Oturkpo to enjoy the development he has brought them. Gen. IBB ruled himself out, opting instead for a medical trip abroad as he had graciously donated all the hospitals he built to the people.

Hon. Tambuwal was yet undecided and was still consulting with the legion of SANs battling to save his speakership. Alhaji Atiku declined to run, insisting that he has not learnt enough Yoruba language to convince the Asiwaju-of-Nigeria and members of the Lagos State House of Assembly that he would not do unto them as he did unto OBJ. Gen. Buhari had no money to purchase his nomination forms, hence he pulled out of the race. Mallam el-Rufai was still searching for office-cleaner jobs for his daughters, and chose not to be distracted by our deafening pleas for him to run.

Owelle Rochas had suddenly lost his multi-lingual prowess, and was rather concentrating on getting his mojo back so as to be able to sell himself to Northern voters in future elections. Sir OUK was far away in the Caribbean holding an important caucus session with the Queen on how to replicate his Abia wonders in the UK, and hence unavailable.

There was much wailing in the land. The people sought for their rulers but could not find them. The people would be doomed if their beloved rulers decide not to continue to rule them.

Then, when it seemed that all hope was lost, behold a prophecy came through a certain Prophet, sorry, Professor Pius Adesanmi as he ministered  at the 60th birthday lectures of Pastor Tunde Bakare on November 14th, 2014. Hear the vision the Prof. saw:

'Suddenly, the people begin to weep and roll on the ground, begging you to rule them forever, donating money to buy forms for you. People whose skin is already so black here in sub-Saharan Africa, you make them acquire a TAN! In one of the funnier and more tragic scenarios, a soldier turned politician even wept! He was moved to tears that his people were so desperate to have him represent them forever that they put together their widow’s mite, their mechanic’s mite, their vulcanizer’s mite, owo oniru owo oniyo, (and I dare to add: ego nzama, ego apliliko umu-boy), and bought his nomination form. How moving! And David Mark wept! And Jesus wept that David Mark wept!'

And the revelation of the Prof jolt us back to reality. We realize we have been taken for fools all long by our farcical rulers, their pretense and crocodile tears.

We now come to realize that this was not the trend during the  1964, 1965, 1979, 1983 and even the 1999 elections. Then, aspirants were sure of themselves, their capabilities, their intentions, their manifestos,  and the size of their pockets. Nobody , not even friends, family, or constituents begged them to contest, and they were not perpetually consulting.

In any case, our collective sympathies go to friends of Hon. Tambuwal who arranged N27.7 million to purchase a nomination form for him, begging him to run for president. The embattled Speaker, after consulting,  has said 'thank you very much, but I'm not contesting', and the APC won't refund the dough. Buhari opted for the better option of borrowing to purchase his nomination forms, so his Squealer did a better job.

All of a sudden, our rulers have become poor, impoverished like the majority of Nigerians they have maimed over the years. Yet, they still live in mansions, fly in a harem of private jets, move in convoys with a fleet worth over N200 million, and  adorn the most expensive agbada, danshiki and isi agu apparels. One wonders what new ideas people who have been in government all their lives, held various essential positions in government, and yet made no tangible impacts can offer now. One also wonders what plans such individuals being begged to contest elections, and who are still consulting to run for president two or three months to the presidential election have to offer the country. This can only happen in Nigeria. Shuo, Naija no dey carry last now!

MAURICE CHUKWU, Legal Practitioner based in Lagos. mauricechukwu@gmail.com. 08032332734 

OF NIGERIANS, HARAMITES, PDP, APC, MONKEYS AND FISHES

It was from Dr. Samuel Koranteng-Pipim that I first heard of 'offering a monkey solution'. The impressive Prof. Pius Adesanmi had doled out a whopping 2,500 cowries on my behalf, to attend as his guest, in a seminar organised in Lagos by Bamidele Ademola-Olateju's Circle of Hands. It was here that the keynote speaker, Dr. Pipim, a Ghanaian sage based in the U.S. retold Retired Archbishop Kwasi Sarpong's story of offering a monkey solution.

In the story, a group of monkeys sought to help some fishes they saw struggling in a raging flood. Jumping from the trees, and with much difficulty, they caught the fishes one by one and placed them on dry land. Soon, motionless fishes piled on the shore. Turning to each other, the monkeys said: “See, the tired fishes are sleeping and resting. But for us, they’d all have drowned! When they wake up, they’d be very grateful that we’ve given them salvation.”

Probably, the well-intentioned but misguided monkeys failed to realise that the fishes, who could not survive for long on dry land, have all died. Strangely enough, in saving the fishes, the monkeys caused the fishes to perish. One can only but reiterate Dr. Pipim's caveat that Nigeria should beware of well-intentioned but misguided solutions to her national challenges.

Pray, do we really need a Ghanaian thinker, or a graduate from Cambridge or Harvard, to remind us of our penchant for offering risky solutions to problems? The signs are everywhere in Nigeria - ominous, foreboding signs. Many sectors or areas of our national life that have been so beset.

A ready case study is the education sector. Successive Nigeria leaders looked the other way as the public education system tragically collapsed. Instead of finding germane and long-lasting solutions, our leaders sold school-operating licences to the highest bidder, and commercialised education. What do we have today? Shylock individuals, churches and mosques running the show in the education sector, from crèche to the tertiary level. And the aftermath? Outrageous school fees, miracle-examination-success-centres, and ultimately, graduates who could barely write and pronounce their names. Nigerians are now shipped to countries such as Sudan and Ukraine in search of quality education. Tell, can you confidently send your child to any community or public school in Nigeria today?

It is saddening that our line of horrible leaders have failed, refused and neglected to adequately harness our enormous human, natural and capital resources through building lasting infrastructures and institutions. Instead of growing our people and infrastructure, we choose the risky and inglorious option of brazenly turning our country to a begging nation in the guise of attracting foreign investments, foreign aids or foreign partnerships. Nigeria is now a dumping ground for substandard European and Asian goods, obsolete technology, and semi-skilled expatriates.

Dr. Pipim likens Nigeria's beggary mentality to the 'west chewing our food for us and spitting into our mouth to swallow'. And I add that, like goats and camels, we unabashedly regurgitate the food, and chew the cods. Yes. Goats, camels, cod-chewers - that's what the touted biggest economy in Africa has become! As an aside, one wonders how the over-bloated statistics the Minister of Finance and Coordinating Minister of the Economy (what a title!), Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala readily brandishes and hysterically sermonizes on puts food on the table of impoverished ordinary Nigerians toiling under the scorching oriental sun of Upper Iweka, or on the slums of Makoko, where one out of four three indigent teenage girl is, so they say, ‘carrying’ an unwanted pregnancy. One again wonders whether this aberration had been brought to the attention of Dr. Oby Ezekwesili, formerly of the PDP hegemony, but now of the #BringBackOurGirls franchise.

It is no secret that every Nigerian yearns for a peaceful democratic country, where social justice, religious tolerance, equality and mutual respect reign supreme. Regrettably, the ruling PDP and the opposition APC have offered us just the opposite. In their desperate bid to retain and/or takeover power for their selfish ends, they have literally sworn an oath with the devil to ensure that they continue to suppress and hold the rest of us down, like the mythical succubus and incubus. With their acerbic utterances, body language and iniquitous posture on national issues, they have almost certainly succeeded in dividing the country along ethnic and religious fault lines.

Pray, could someone tell Lai Mohammed, Doyin Okupe and Olisah Metu that their highly-divisive verbal warfare over almost every nothing, including a trivial issue as who ought to take the credit for the containment of Ebola virus disease in Nigeria is most puerile, infantile, and childish.

The Federal Government and our gallant soldiers are striving to contain insurgency in the North Eastern part of the country. As our military might is being unleashed on these evil lots, we should also be mindful of the after effects of the war on residents of the terror-ravaged areas. When this war against these agents of darkness is won, as certainly would be the case, measures should be put in place to rebuild the affected areas, and mop up arms that might have gotten into wrong hands. And, institutions must be established to rehabilitate and resettle those displaced from their towns and homes, so that we don’t throw away the baby with the bath water. In the interim, the government should put urgent measures in place to cater for the displaced, maimed or wounded, especially those from Mubi in Adamawa Sate where terrorists have reportedly captured about five local government areas.

I align myself with Dr. Pipim’s analysis that with a population of over 170 million, Nigeria should be one of the most powerful countries in the world, just like China. Like the USA, Nigeria ought to be a very secure nation, and play a leading role in dislodging terrorism and guaranteeing security in Africa. Like Israel, China and Russia, Nigeria ought to be ahead of the rest of Africa in educational development. Like India and Germany, Nigeria should be ahead in provision of quality healthcare. But alas! Instead of finding lasting solutions and putting institutions in place to address our myriad of problems, we are impaired by greed, ethnicity, tribalism and religion.

In our bid to usher in another newly elected democratic government come 2015, the PDP and the APC must be careful not to offer us the well-intentioned but misguided monkey solution of over-heating the polity, thereby destroying the very essence and fabric of the country they desperately scheme to swoop on its commonwealth. Change is desirable, but before we change Nigeria, we all have to change ourselves, and our mindset. And, to borrow the words of Dr. Pipim, 'zeal without knowledge is risky and destructive. In the face of danger, ignorance in action is as dangerous as stupidity or inaction'.

Let the house rat broadcast this to the bush rodents: If ‘big-brother’ Nigeria suffers herself to be engulfed in crises and conflicts, the rest of West Africa would no doubt be destabilized, doomed. Imagine the unlikeable scenario of over 170 million Nigerians becoming refugees; all our 'tiny' West African neighbours would definitely not be able contain us. This is unimaginably scary, bloodcurdling. Hence, those who drum for war - the haramites, the APC, the PDP and Nigerians must all think! In their well-intentioned but misguided quest to give us political, religious and economic salvation, they should be mindful not to destroy the rest of us, just as the ignorant monkeys did the fishes.

-          MAURICE CHUKWU, Legal Practitioner, Lagos. mauricechukwu@gmail.com

A WARNING FOR MGBALA AGWA

And I begin with a sigh of disgust:
This cannot happen in Akama.

Macabre drumbeats being beaten
Furiously
Dangerously
Clandestinely
And Akama is desecrated.

Nnem Ochie can no longer breathe
The air is fouled with the scent of ogiri Agadi-Nwanyi,
Dirty lucre and Janjaweed idiocies.
Have I not put a knife on the soul of kindred spirits?
And was Abame not wiped away?

Yes.

I hide in Okeofia at dusk
I beat the drum of Kata-Kata, the harbinger of all strife
I wash my palms with filthy oil lucre at dawn
I eat kola-nuts with elders and younglings at noon.
Yet, am I not the one suing for peace at Werima, and at Douglas House?

Offspring of Akama,
I hold ogene onye-oma-ekwe before cockcrow,
Bitten by the morning dew, and by igirigi ututu
It is my shrill quivering voice you hear:
Foreboding
Forewarning;
Bear in your strife-stricken bosoms
That Abame is no more, wiped out,
Forgotten
Yet, you sue for strife

Chei!

I fear
I fear for Mgbala Akama,
The desecrated land of my forebears.

A LEGACY OF REVOLUTION IN HISTORY AND HUMAN THOUGHT

A Review of ''Agwa Socio-Cultural, Political And Economic Contemporary History:  Challenges And Prospects''

In 1955, Chinua Achebe in the famous book ''Things Fall Apart'' told the story of the complex and dynamic and qualities of Igbos in Umuofia. Unknown to him, he was preparing a recipe for one of the greatest revolutions in the history of Ndigbo, Achebeism has since become a doctrine of historical, socio-political and economic action for the mass of the Igboland - to the rest of the world.

This is the manner of men of social conscience. While others sleep and dither, they ponder the history, predicament and agonising problems of society and avidly search for practical and humane solutions.

Hon. Raymond Anumaka, in a breath-taking, intellectually ravishing and scholarly dogged and ponderous study, has produced a work that may well acquire the rhetorical, polemical and philosophically explosive dimension of Achebe's oracular exposition-''Things Fall Apart'' Although historical and not entirely economic, Hon. Anumaka's work may yet crystallise an  economic perspective through which the development of Agwa clan, his main theme, may be attained.

Hon. Anumaka is a socio-cultural historian, educator and farmer of great renown who has also had a successful sojourn in the political arena where he gained a meteoric rise to the position of an honourable member of the Imo State House of Assembly in the second republic. The author, in this monumental work - "Agwa Socio-Cultural, Political and Economic Contemporary History: Challenges and Prospects" - has given a deeply philosophical, poetic and practical expression to this constant and perennial craving of Agwa people for identity and a meaningful life, and relief for all for those thirsting for identity around the world.

In this ten chaptered book, Hon. Anumaka tackles with intellectual zest, ruthlessness and audacity the old age history, culture, traditions, economy, religion, politics and the developmental evolution of the ten towns in Agwa clan. He traces the descent of Agwa clan to Akuma, the first son of Agwa who migrated from Ihiagwa in Owerri West LGA, and points out that Nekede and Ihiagwa share the same descent with Agwa.

From Hon. Anumaka's accounts in chapters one and two, one learns the peculiarity and complexity of Agwa clan before and after the arrival of the Europeans. He includes a detailed description of the justice codes and trial process, the social and family rituals, the marriage customs, food production and preparation  process, the process for shared leadership for the communities, religious beliefs and practices, and the opportunities for virtually everyman to climb the clan's ladder of success through his own efforts.

In chapter two, Hon. Anumaka attempts to blend the oracles, customs, traditions and natural law of Agwa clan. From the Owu festival, to 'Iro Mmuo' coupled with the elegant philosophical rationalism of the prestigious Nze na Ozo title, Hon. Anumaka distils and invokes a nostalgic feeling of the sacredness of the 'ekwe nri' and/or the shrill cry of 'maranu ekwu o!' often associated with the 'iba n'ulo ukwu' of Ndi Nze. To the author, to sustain the Nze na Ozo institution which is gradually going extinct, there is need to jettison fetish practices associated with the title to encourage Christians to embrace it more.

After a vigorously courageous exploration of the doctrines of the ofo, the ala, the echele owu, the chief priests and an exhaustive treatment of the postulates of the early white missionaries, their new religion and the holy fiats of the Bible, Hon. Anumaka laboriously extracts from the interstices of Biblical injunctions and traditional religion a theory which posits that ''Christianity did not introduce to us the idea of knowing God but rather introduced a new method or channel of worshipping considered better.'' For he submits further that "our forefathers knew God and worshipped him using the instrumentality of lesser gods and spirits''. To the author, while the Bible replaced the ofo, catechists replaced chief priests, church buildings took the place of shrines, and consequently, Agwa people ''lost their identity and were conquered spiritually''. He however concedes that ''the whiteman also brought with him western education and better ways of doing things.''

The author  recounts with accustomed ease the agricultural products from Agwa clan. For the author, our yam species of agammiri, ji ocha, okwuworugbo, esonso, nkuokpu, and  ogbaragada have remained distinct both in taste and demand throughout Igboland. The  author however, bemoans the neglect of agriculture, insisting that before the discovery of oil, palm oil and palm kernel served as Nigeria's export products produced from Igboland. He invites the entire Igboland to imbibe the policy of cutting down old palm trees and replacing same with new ones. The author endeavours to lay down a solution and calls on individuals, corporate bodies, and governments at all levels to invest in the development of agriculture through technological development. The novelty of the proposition here is that mechanized agriculture would take youths off the street and crime, reduce unemployment and earn foreign exchange.

To the author, the quest for education in Agwa started in 1963 when Ferdinand Obodo secured admission into the prestigious Fourah Bay College, Sierra Leone. He goes on to give an account of the initial lack of enthusiasm on the part of Agwa people to keep the academic fire burning. He however rightly observes that lately, there is a new zeal and enthusiasm in seeking tertiary education by Agwa people which, for the author, ''is the road for the search for a new social-political and economic order in Agwa clan''. But the author adds a socio-cultural tincture when he submits that Agwa people no longer hold the belief that ''the best legacy one could bequeath to their children is a huge barn of yams and other food crops.'' And as such, priests, professors, doctorate, master's and bachelor's degrees holders, from almost all fields of endeavour, now abound in Agwa.

A very polemic question raised and to which concrete answers were attempted most vigorously is in chapter eight. The author raises the question. "Is it possible for the entire Agwa to develop without a central Union?". The author takes heed to revered English jurist, Lord Denning's dictum that a judge cannot simply fold his hands and blame the draftsman. So, he proffers an answer to the question he raised and concludes that  "... a formidable central union in Agwa clan would galvanize and serve as a catalyst for the speedy development of the clan''.

While Hon. Anumaka's view may sound revolutionary and almost iconoclastic, it must be conceded that it is consistent with the sub theme of his book ''The Challenges and Prospects'' of the Agwa clan. This is not out of place in a period of extreme arbitrariness and volatility in Agwa clan. More so, at a time when tangible government presence has continued to elude the clan owing to our diversified town unions and the tendency to disagree, and still continue to be disagreeable, as to the locus of prospective governmental projects. This divisiveness of ours gleefully oust dividends of democracy from Agwa, and successive governments are only too happy to wash their hands like Pontius Pilate. By and large, Hon. Anumaka's standpoint is a standing and clamant challenge to the moral conscience of  Agwa people.

In chapter nine, Hon. Anumaka yet again delves deep into the realm of history, philosophy, truth, and exploration of space in an attempt to search for the underlying truth about autonomous community, ezeship institution. According to the author, from time immemorial up to 1978 - the inception of  the reign of late Eze Stocken Okorie and late Eze Ejimmaduekwu, who ruled Obudi-Agwa and Uwaorie Autonomous Communities respectively, and then to the present era of HRH Eze (Dr.) I.O. Asor of Obudi Autonomous Community, HRH Eze Charles Ukwu (deceased) of Mgbala Autonomous Community, HRH Eze Chima Azubuike of Ubah Autonomous Community, HRH Eze Sylvester Onuegbu of Mbano Autonomous Community, and HRH Eze (Dr.) Saviour Utazi of Umuofeke Autonomous Community, the author observes that Agwa clan is privileged to have had progressive ''set of traditional rulers who have not lost focus of their primary roles as the custodians of customs and traditions of the people'' and ''have made significant progress in the area of peacekeeping ... in Agwa clan''.

In the last chapter, the author makes a clarion call with a view to addressing security challenges in Agwa. For the author, ''security is pivotal to development, and the Agwa community should explore several means to see that insecurity is reduced even right from the immediate family circles'' He therefore calls on well-meaning individuals, corporate bodies and the government ensure the establishment of a well-equipped and properly manned ultra-modern police division in Agwa.

It must be stated that the genius of the Hon. Anumaka lies in his ability to neither make the book about himself nor a controversial rabble-rousing bugaboo. For he successfully and dexterously recreates the past and marries it with the present. The reader will find the work scholarly enormous. It ranges over all the broad spectrum of disciplines. The historian, the jurist, the philosopher, the religionists, the agriculturists, the economists, the astrologers will all find the book stimulating and educative.
Despite a few typographical and syntax errors owing to the printer's devil, Hon. Anumaka has provided not only the socio-political history of Agwa clan but a legacy of revolution in socio-political history and human thought.

Barr Maurice Canice Chukwu.
Dr. Olu Onagoruwa Chambers, Lagos
08032332734