Maurice Chukwu
The first accident in
1959 was minor, just like a minor surgery: Sir Ahmadu Bello leads the NPC to
win a plurality of the parliamentary seats. And, suddenly, he develops cold
feet at leading the country, devolves the position of Prime Minister to his
deputy and, accidentally, Abubakar Tafawa Balewa becomes the Prime Minister.
Then comes the first ghastly accident
which has affected the country ever since. On
14 January 1966, Major Chukwuma Nzeogwu leads a group of revolutionary soldiers to terminate the civilian rule in a bloody coup
d'etat. Through accidental
out-manoeuvrings, Aguiyi Ironsi, originally slated for assassination, becomes
the country's first military Head of State.
Yet again, another ghastly leadership
accident occurs: On 29 July 1966, while Ironsi was at Government House in Ibadan, troops led by Major Theophilus Danjuma and Captain Martin Adamu
storms the building, seizes Ironsi and his host, Lieutenant Colonel Adekunle Fajuyi, and
subsequently, shoots the two men. Lieutenant-Colonel Yakubu Gowon becomes the
Head of State.
The next accident was minor; no bending
of bumpers, no shattering of windscreens, and no bloodletting! On July 29,
1975, General Gowon is overthrown whilst at an OAU summit in Kampala. The
delightsome Brigadier (later General) Murtala Muhammed steps in and, fine-boy-athlete Gowon, dragging his tail behind, sank into Tom Cruise’s Oblivion. Thank goodness, he survived
to become the praying mantiss (sorry,
prayer warrior) he has ever since become having supervised that genocidal civil
war: “Oh Lord, there’s too much blood on
my hands, it’s Ojukwu that provoked me, please forgive …!”
The next accident was regrettably
ghastly: On February 13, 1976, Lt. Col Buka Suka Dimka leads an abortive
coup attempt and Murtala Muhammed is killed in the process. The Supreme
Military Council appoints Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo as head of State, and he
completes Muhammed’s plan of transfer to civilian rule by handing power to Shehu Shagari on October 1,
1979.
President Shagari himself has also
emerged by an appalling judicial accident when, on September 26, 1979, the
Supreme Court mixed up logical reasoning in Awolowo
v. Shagari, and declares that the phrase “... in each of at least two
thirds of all the states within the
federation’ means ‘in each of at least two thirds of all the votes within the federation”.
One would have thought that the return
to democracy would signal the end to the endless leadership accidents. But did
it?
On December 31, 1983, Major-General
Muhammadu Buhari (has he now upstaged Theodore Roosevelt as the father of all
progressives?) stages a successful military coup, overthrows
civilian President
Shehu Shagari and becomes the
Head of State, dragging the nation back into military dictatorship. General Ibrahim Babangida would later
overthrow Buhari's regime on 27 August 1985 in a bloodless military coup that
relied on mid-level officers that Babangida strategically and ‘Maradona-ly’ positioned over the years.
After cancelling the
June 12, 1993 presidential elections believed to have been won by late Chief
MKO Abiola, Babangida resigns and appoints Ernest Shonekan as Interim President on 26 August 1993. On 17
November 1993, General Sani Abacha sacks Shonekan in a palace coup, forcefully
dismantles the remaining democratic institutions and brings the government back
under military control. He accidentally dies in office on June 8, 1998,
purportedly on the charmed laps of alluring Sunita
ladies freshly imported from India. As an aside, one wonders how avant-garde high-life-pop genius, Flavour N’abania
would describe those 100-watts baby oku
ladies!
After Abacha’s death,
Maj. Gen. Abdulsalam Abubakar was sworn in as the country's Head of State on
June 9, 1998. Abubakar immediately conducted elections and transferred power to
Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo, who accidentally emerged from under the noose of
Abacha’s blood-thirsty hangmen to become President on May 29, 1999 on the
platform of the PDP.
Now, the military have
had their fill with leadership with the accidents thereon. And, civilians have
taken over and the leadership accidents continue.
On December
2006, former Governor Peter Odili of Rivers State, (oh how they have ruined
that beautiful Garden-City State, turning it into the Rivers of Babylon and of
mindless ego wars!) who was widely expected to emerge as the presidential
candidate of the ruling PDP for the April 2007 election, suddenly steps down on the eve of the
primary election for Umaru Yar'Adua, who at the time of his nomination, was an
obscure figure on the national stage and, could not have won the nomination
under fair circumstances. And, Baba
was somewhere in the farm laughing at our folly of not expecting the usual
accident: I dey laugh o…
In accordance
with the order of succession in the Nigerian constitution following President
Umaru Yar'Adua’s death on 5th May 2010, Vice President Goodluck
Jonathan was sworn in as President on 6 May 2010, becoming Nigeria's 14th
accidental Head of State. And since then, it has only been about ‘good luck to me, good luck to you, good
luck to everybody, good luck Nigeria eehh!!! We all danced and rejoiced,
but are yet to smell the promised ‘breath of fresh air’.
Now, another set of recycled
politicians and soldiers who have been highly involved in the macabre dance of
denying Nigerians the enjoyment of our collective commonwealth; have gathered
once more in a bid to continue these maddening leadership accidents, albeit, in
another guise: Yes, I mean the progressives!
Progressive politicians advocate a level playing
field through strictly enforced employment laws, progressive taxation,
universal health care, liberal social laws and environmental regulations and
restrictions for the common good. In
other words, the progressive believes in improving society. However, anyone
would be for that. It depends on what each person believes to be a better
society.
But who are these Nigerian
progressives? They are everywhere - in their mansions, in their private jets,
in the Senate, and even in obscurity! Some of them, I learnt, suffer from
diarrhea of the mouth! Let’s meet just two of them:
Achike
Udenwa was governor of Imo State from May 29 199 to 29 May 2007. In
December 2008, late President Umaru
Yar'Adua appointed him Minister of Commerce and Industry. He left
office in March 2010 when the then Acting President Jonathan
dissolved his cabinet. Throughout his time in office, he never did anything
meaningful in Imo State. In a manner of speaking, he bled the Eastern Heartland
to death. All through the period of his political relevance; he was a die-hard
member of the PDP. Then the accident
occurs: After his unsuccessfully bid for a seat at the Senate, he loses
relevance in the PDP, decamps to the CAN (now APC) and becomes a progressive!
Now, he wants to deliver us. O ma se o.
Yet another accidental progressive:
Mallam Nasir el-Rufai was a former DG of the BPE and
former Minister
of the FCT, Abuja from 16 July 2003 to 29 May 2007. He served as a member of
the National Energy Council under the Umaru Yar’Adua administration. He was one
of former President Obasanjo’s most trusted apologists. He was ever-visible. He
was everywhere; a PDP man through and through.
Suddenly, and accidentally too, he loses relevance, decamps to the CPC (now
APC) and becomes a progressive! Now,
he desires to deliver us from the hawks.
Then, to invest a kind of immortality on the word ‘accidental’, he
publishes his author-biography and aptly captions it, The Accidental Progressive (or is Public Servant?). Haba,
Mallam!
The word
“progressive” works like a charm in Nigeria. But does it have practical
content? In today’s context, it may be that progressive politics seems to be a
stance taken by mavericks that have lost relevance in the ruling party. Late
Afro beat maestro, Fela Kuti (oh dear! We miss Fela) must have had a song or
two on these progressives, who, having bled us to death in the PDP now scheme
to continue doing so in their new-found progressive
garbs. One only hopes that the leadership accident that would be orchestrated
by them would be a minor one. Anyway, Nigerians are used to having our
political leaders emerge by accidents. Ironically, the best hands never get to
rule. Ask the revered trio of Zik, Awo and MKO.
